hormones

what is wrong with me?? i was driving home last night from work and just started crying. it was rediculous...i was thinking about how happy i will be when i'm done with school in may...and i just started crying. i was trying to describe how i feel to a friend of mine, and it's sorta like i just can't breathe right. i've been doing yoga to help be deep breathe and stuff...but i just have so much on my plate i feel like i can't retain any more information. but i have 7 more days until then end of this sememster...that will feel really good.

i think i've decided the area i want to apply to work in. i LOVE ob...but i'm not sure yet if i'd prefer to do post partum or L & D. i really like it a lot, a lot, a lot!! i attended my first couple of births last week which was AMAZING. it is truly awesome to me how we were created and are able to fit babies through such a little space :) it really is an amazing miracle! the first birth i was at i was really weird. i had to leave the room cause i almost passed out watching the CRNA do the epidural (welp, i guess that line of work might be out for me...i was hoping to get my masters to do that!). i heard the crunch of the needle going in the back and my face immediately got hot and i felt like i was sweating, then my knees started getting a little shaky...then the black spots came. i knew i needed to get out of there quick because i didn't want to pass out in front of the patient and her family!! i sort of held onto the wall and slowly scooted out...i'm sure i looked like a complete idiot. the patient later asked me if i was okay and i explained the whole thing to her...she laughed at me...as she should have :) she was awesome though! she hated her nurse so i got to be really involved in everything...she didn't want the nurse doing anything, and preferred me to do everything with her. that felt nice...knowing that one of your patients really liked you and wrote the hospital about it too!!! (maybe that will help me get a job later...) soo, when she was ready to deliver she was amazing. when i first saw the baby's head i couldn't believe it...its so different that you think. i looked up at the patient's mom who was in the room and she started crying, and that's when i lost it! i just was crying and crying...what an awesome thing god created. wow...as i read over this blog i see a pattern....i cry a lot!! dang it.

i can only imagine when my friends and sisters start having babies, i'm gonna be a total baby too. i just feel honored to be a part of introducing these little guys and gals to the world. it's so fun to me!! so now i must decide which area....i have awhile to think about it...maybe i'll apply to both units and see which, if either, will hire me :)

well folks, that's all for now, and maybe for awhile....i'll try to update with some pictures later.

peace in middle east...please!